Mental health – Jenny Grace's Poetry and Creative Writing Techniques

Random Thoughts in a Coffee Shop

Ok.

It’s a cloudy cool afternoon in late spring. Sweet scent of jasmine is wafting through my window. Rain is approaching; clouds the color of steel mass in the darkening distance.

It has been a long week. Someone I love dearly is struggling with mental health issues. After decades of trauma and abuse, this person’s life has finally boiled over into that dark abyss from which it is doubtful this person will ever recover. I am an optimist usually; but, I am also a realist when the brutal truth sucker punches me.

I honestly tried to save this person by standing with them, by never retaliating no matter how abusive their words and actions were to me. I thought that I could somehow lead them out of the dark abyss of mental illness. I prayed for them; I gave them a prayer card; I listened to their endless tirades and angry accusations. I attempted to have a servant’s heart; I attempted to be God’s hands. I attempted to lift this person out of the darkness of mental illness. Alas, I know that it was hubris to even entertain the notion that I have the power to achieve such a thing. Truth is mental health issues are often about brain chemistry coupled with environment, nature, nurture, et cetera.

I am exhausted.

I am exhausted by the storm that is this person’s life. I have had to walk away to stop myself from being pulled under along with them. I cannot bear the brunt of this person’s rage. I cannot, simply put. I have to put the life jacket on myself to keep myself from drowning.

Growing up I remember seeing signs that said “Jesus Saves.” I truly believe that he does. However, there are those situations and circumstances in which we have to step back and let Jesus save those whom we love. Sometimes, in our deep love for others, we get it twisted and think that we can save someone whom we love.

We can’t.

I can’t save this person whom I love dearly. I tried, and I failed.

I commend this person into God’s hands and pray that angels surround them and give them the peace that surpasses all understanding.

I have used the pronouns they and them to protect the identity of this person.

Please pray for those who suffer from mental illness. And, for those of us who loved them dearly.

My heart is broken.

Prayers.

My Novel: Bully another Day

It is hard to believe that it has been almost twenty years ago since a dear family member had been bullied in middle school. The school principal’s solution was to tell this family member to just toughen up, to not be so sensitive. Apparently, the bully had some sort of behavioral problem and therefore was allowed to roam to the terror of the general school public. I guess the bully had more rights than my family member. Thankfully, this family member was able to be home-schooled and is now a successful professional and is almost 32 years old. Thankfully, this family member had the support of family. This family member most certainly did not have the support of the public school system. It had failed miserably then; over twenty years later I see that the public school system continues to fail.

Just last week, there was a school shooting at the high school I graduated from over forty years ago. Granted, back then there were fist fights and disagreements, but never was any firearms involved. I remember our principal was a former United States Marine and ran our high school like we were his troops. We feared him; we respected him; and, we loved him dearly because we knew we were safe under his watch. He was fair. He was compassionate. Above all, he demanded order. He informed us that actions have consequences. He drilled it into us that we alone were responsible for our screw-ups. Nobody else was to blame. That was empowering. We learned that we were in charge of our own actions and those actions had consequences. Period. No excuses. No and, if or buts.

I graduated and went on to college as did the majority of my classmates. Over the years, I have seen former classmates and I have heard them voice the same opinion of our principal. We felt safe. We felt listened to. My high school was in a neighborhood that would be classified today as “inner city.” It was comprised of hard-working, decent people who raised families to respect teachers, to respect police, and to respect oneself. I will be forever proud that I grew up in that neighborhood. It was what would be called today “multicultural.” We just called it home, sweet home.

Returning to my earlier reference to my bullied family member, I began to wonder exactly what the repercussions of bullying has on those who are mentally ill. What if the victim of the bullying is mentally ill? What further damage does that do? What would the consequences be on that bullied person?

This is when I began writing “Bully another Day.” It is a work of fiction. The main character Johanna is mentally disturbed, she gets bullied by three girls in high school, and years later she still holds on to the events. Needless to say, the book explores these ramifications. It includes vengeance, murder, and in the end redemption. It is more of a psychological thriller than a murder mystery, although it is a blending of the two.

Currently, it is only available in hardback. I am arguing with myself about whether to put it on Kindle. I like an actual book. I guess not everyone else does, though.

It is available on Amazon Books. Just search Jenny W. Andrews, Bully another Day.

And please be kind, if you choose to leave a book review.

I wrote this from my heart. It really isn’t about money or fame. I felt that I had this heaviness on my heart, especially when I read about school bullies, and I think back at how things could have turned out differently for my beloved family member had nobody intervened.

It is also heavy on my heart when I think about how things might have gone differently for those involved in school shootings if someone had only stepped forward and intervened.

Finally, if you know someone is being bullied, please say something. It never gets any better, in fact, silence only emboldens a bully. Retaliation, unfortunately, can be the consequence of bullying. These are some things to think about. God have mercy on our children in the public school system. It is indeed a failure. Only God can save it.

Thank you so much for reading.

Regaining My Equilibrium

Today, I did something I haven’t done in quite a few months. I took my notebook and went to a coffee shop, ordered a cup of coffee and wrote ideas for a new writing project. In the previous months I have been quite unsettled by hysterical fear-mongering, pre-apocalyptical doom and gloom and end-of -the-world as we know it predictions. Even as I write this, the media is still shoveling their sewage of exaggerations of death, disease, destruction, and pestilence. I hear tell that Europe is going back into lockdown. Lockdown is also an option being considered in certain areas of the United States. Bizarrely, houses of worship (of all faiths) are being targeted as “super spreaders.” What? What about big box stores? Don’t people in big box stores stand close to each other? What about the ever-open liquor stores? What’s the difference? Oh right, in houses of worship people share their lives, encourage each other, pray, sing, and praise God together. It is community. Community. In a community, people share ideas. It’s as if this is being deliberately discouraged.

Well, I want to share my ideas as long as I can. My passion is writing. I have ideas that I believe strongly in. I believe in God. I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe strongly in every human souls’ right to worship God as he or she feels compelled to do. I believe in freedom of conscience and freedom of speech. Each soul is sacred with a right to freely speak its truth.

At this time in history, I feel as if our rights are being corroded and stolen out from under us. Fear is more powerful than death; it can immobilize and paralyze and trap the living in a breathing shell, a shell that eventually crushes the very life force out of its prisoner. How frightening!

As I said, I did something I haven’t done in months. I went to a coffee shop with my notebook and (although I had to wear a mask to enter) I sat down and enjoyed a hot cup of coffee and wrote. I felt free-freer than I have in months. I yearn for that freedom. I cannot bear the threat of an impending lockdown. It is mentally damning to even conceive of being prohibited from enjoying a cup of coffee in a coffee shop surrounded by other living, breathing human beings. Mentally damning.

It’s similar to de facto house arrest (for those who haven’t actually been found guilty of anything). How’s that even legal, let alone not a violation of our basic human rights as free people?

Meanwhile, as always, I turn my heart and my soul towards the only answer to any questions that I have ever had.

My Lord Jesus Christ who has instructed us: Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid (John 14:27, KJV).

Paul, the Apostle to the Romans, clearly states in Chapter 8:24-28: For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for (24)? But if we hope for what we see not, then do we with patience wait for it (25). Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered (26). And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God (27). And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to his purpose (28). (Romans 8:24-28, KJV).

I love God with all my heart, soul, and mind. I believe that he has a purpose for my life. I feel that purpose is to write and to share my faith. I feel my purpose is to love and to encourage.

And I cannot give into fear. God loves me and I truly believe that good will come from all of this. My faith has actually been strengthened over the past few months. I have completed several of my writing projects and put them on Amazon.

While a time may come in which my freedom of speech will be limited, my freedom in Christ will never be limited.

At the end of days, Christ is the answer to any and all question, after all.

I pray that Our Lord will bless you and keep you and shine his face upon you, lift you up and give you peace.

Amen.