The ocean is calming. It reminds me of the immensity of the earth. Tides roll in and roll out no matter what is happening in this life. Like the sun and the moon, the ocean cannot be stopped. It is an unstoppable force. When I stand on the shore, I consider my powerlessness to control the constant rhythm of what God has ordained: the unchanging nature of this earth. Forever, the tides will roll in and roll out. Forever, the moon will rise and the sun will set. And, the cycle will repeat itself into eternity. We mortals cannot change the inevitable fact that we cannot control what God has ordained.
Death is one of those facts that we cannot control. We can delay it, but truth is it is a fact. It will come for us all one day. Just like the ocean tides rolling in and rolling out, and the sun rises and the moon setting, death is an endless cycle that we can not control.
Grief at the nearing death of my husband, who has been diagnosed with cancer, has made me step back and consider just how little we can control in this life. It has made me more aware of the brevity of this life. One moment the world is our oyster and we have the bright shining future ahead of us; the next moment pain grips us and we are in the throes of illness in which our strength drains away from us.
In the past several weeks, I have struggled to make sense of all of my emotions. I have searched my heart and I have called out to God in Heaven for answers as to why this has happened to him.
Why?
I don’t know if there is any acceptable reasons that would take away the pain of impending loss.
So, I have stepped back from all my questions. I have laid my burdens at the cross and asked Jesus to carry me through the darkness, through the pain, through the future that looms lonely and unknown.
The other day I went to the waterway and walked on the shore; I thanked God for the sunshine, for the cool ocean lapping against the fallen oak trees that had been uprooted in the last hurricane in 2018.I sat on a log and studied the little sand crabs scurrying into the sand. Seagulls glided across the vibrant blue sky. A hawk alighted on the branch of a cedar tree behind me in the maritime forest.
Life will surely go on after we all have left this earth.
So, I have learned that from these past few months.
And I have learned to take a break and to enjoy the beauty of the day and the night that God has blessed us with.
Christ instructed us in Matthew 11:28-29: Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me: for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Rest unto your souls.
That’s what I have needed in the past few days: rest unto my soul.
So, I have taken a break.
A break. And, I have turned my attention towards Our Lord and I have found rest.
Jenny W. Andrews copyright 2024
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