Standing in the Pause

To pause means to briefly stop an action.

Before resuming it again.

On the other side of this extended pause in my grief process is the looming finality of loss that I cannot even utter.

If I don’t utter it then maybe it will just wilt like a dying flower that doesn’t get water. Maybe it will just go away. Wither like scorched leaves.

So, I am standing in the pause knowing that in the next few weeks (maybe days) that I will have to face the other side of this extended pause.

I will have no other choice but to face the darkness that is on the other side of this pause.

I will have no other choice but to accept the inevitable.

I often stand in my garden and just stare at the little statue of Mother Mary and the pink rain lilies that grow near the statue. I often read the garden stone that reminds me to walk by faith.

By faith.

God is supposed to walk beside me.

I wish Jesus would reach down here in this dark tunnel of grief and lift me up into his protecting arms and hold me and wipe my tears away.

I hunger for the peace that only God can give.

My heart is so very broken and I am lost down here in this dark tunnel. . .

I lift up my eyes unto the hills. . .just like the psalmist wrote. . .

My help comes from my Lord, maker of Heaven and Earth.

I am standing in the pause.

And I am gripped by sadness.

I am powerless to change the trajectory of all of this.

I give it over to God to comfort me and lift me out of this dark tunnel.

And to walk with me as I prepare to step into the other side of this pause.

Please pray for me and my family.

Thank you.

Jenny W. Andrews copyright 2024